A Letter to My Mom, My Friends & My-Future-Self (in 2020…if I will still be alive then)
Jan3Written by:
Sunday, January 03, 2010 
I am cross-posting this on facebook and my website (http://www.geekappeal.com).
Disclaimer & Warning: This post is purely my personal thoughts (very disorganized) and if the content offences anyone, I take no responsibility. I do not care about the grammar while writing it! No “Grammar Nazi” please! Don’t never ever bug me about my Legal Writing & Drafting (LWD)! This is my personal blog, not my LWD coursework. I have had enough from that course…it ruined my PCLL (Postgraduate Certificate in Laws) Semester A in 2009 (No, LWD wasn’t difficult BUT I was simply being too creative when doing that mid-term exam.)
Today is Jan 3rd, 2010. My mom was hit by a car on Jan 3rd, 2006 and she has been in a coma for 4 full years. I really think it’s about time for her to wake up! Mom, can you hear us? I honestly hope she can hear us AND prove the doctors wrong! On one hand, we tell ourselves she can hear us and are aware of everything. However, on a second thought, we think it might be better off for her if she has just been sleeping and does not feel any pain at all during these 4 years. It would be the worst feeling in the world if someone in her situation is in fact aware of the surroundings but cannot make it known to others. How contradicting I am!!! I am still pissed off at the driver/tortfeasor. After all these years, we do not even get an apology from him. The law is not on our side (there was no witness) and unfortunately, my mother gets no remedies from him! I am now just a useless law graduate. What a shame! I do not think much of the Hong Kong cops. I am disappointed in the ways they’ve handled similar cases that I came across during the last few years. Victims are often left in the cold. In Hong Kong, you need to be rich or famous to get somewhere…things are quite twisted. That may be true elsewhere but probably not to this extent. When I first studied law, I wanted to become a prosecutor (naturally, a barrister) but I have realized it may not be achievable for me (due to various reasons).
Recently, I fall in love with a meaningful Chinese pop song called “A Letter to myself (給自己的信)” by Sherman Chung (鍾舒漫) – okay…a Canton-Pop song to be precise (this song is actually a covered version of another Japanese pop song “手紙～拝啓十五の君へ～” by Angela Aki). It’s a perfect song for graduation. Well, I am still *sort-of* marginally young (young-ish...Haven’t you heard of “40 is the new 20”? Oh! I am not 40 yet) AND recently graduated (just got my JD (Juris Doctor – similar to LLB but at the post-graduate level, it’s NOT a Ph.D.) in 2009 although I got my first degree in Computer Science in 1993). The song is about writing a letter to one’s future-self in 10 years. I am moved by the lyrics (and love the melody – try to search for it and listen to the melody even if you don’t understand Cantonese). In particular, I like “懷疑我永遠不會累, 就來十行列明十個壯舉” (loosely translated to: “I doubt I will never get tired. Let’s list 10 feats I want to achieve (or 10 achievements to be under my belt)”). What achievements have I done so far? Perhaps none!
What would be my Top 10 (by the way, David Letterman, I miss your Late Night shows.)? My future may well be in my past…if you know what I mean….what is that?! At one time (before 2006), I have already fulfilled some of my dreams. However, without a solid foundation and a supporting background, everything fell into rubbles by one tragic accident. What a joke! At least in the past, I worked hard, I owned a home, opened (and closed) a money-losing store, owned, drove & rode many nice and not-so-nice (crappy) cars & motorcycles (Hyundai Pony, Chevrolet Caprice, Honda Civic Hatchback DX, Yamaha YSR50/80, Honda CBR600, Toyota MR2, Audi 90, Honda Shadow VLX, Nissan Pathfinder, Mazda Miata MX-5, BMW 325Ci…I love cars!), boats (from dinghes to bigger sailboats), jet-ski, and flown solo & cross-country in Cessna 150/152s (of course, rentals from a flying school). So you know, besides technologies, I am crazy about driving, sailing & flying!!! I cannot do any of these in Hong Kong. I do love the ladies nevertheless….but HK girls (港女) are not my type (they won’t look at me anyway as I am so poor). They are so shallow that you cannot even have an intellectual conversation or discussion on current affairs/news (International news, political development, the middle-east crisis, technology/medical advancement…) with. For港女, entertainment news/gossips, fashion maybe….for them, status & money are everything! I feel soooooo boxed in a place where I do not want to be! I honestly don’t want to live in Hong Kong. I’ve met so many selfish, greedy, inconsiderate people here (all kinds of characters….you name it, they are here). To be fair, I did meet some nice people (like my PCLL groupmates, a handful of classmates and few other friends). In general, Canadians are nicer than Hong Kong people.
It’s all about priorities!!! Mom’s well-being is always first and completing PCLL is what I have to do now. At the moment, I don’t care about cars, boats & toys anymore (they are not important to me anymore) although I do really love cars & driving…did I tell you how much I miss driving? Handling is more important than Speed…that’s the reason I got a Miata and a BMW. They both handle very well. I drove a BMW not because of the name; it was because of the DRIVING PLEASURE and its SUPERB HANDLING. Cornering requires skills. Going fast does not as everyone can put their foot on the gas pedal…Flooring it on the 401….Oh! I am off-topic again….yes, I still enjoy driving but haven’t been behind the wheel for a long time. I am getting rid of my scooter so I won’t be even riding a bike soon. I am moving again in the next few days…from an already small place to another even smaller place. It’s just getting worst and worst as I try to cut costs (running out of cash!). The next place will be approximately 150 Sq Ft. My [former] condo’s bathroom in Canada was larger than that! In Chinese, the best adjective to describe my situation is 折墮 (it means something like “I deserve what happens to me now”…Not sure what’s the proper way to express this in English…”bad karma” maybe the right words). To make myself feel better, I am just seeing this as my long-term mental training to strengthen myself and to prepare me for a brighter future (especially for my two nieces). Just like the time when Luke Skywalker was stuck in an unknown planet with Yoda and I am just stuck in Hong Kong for the time being. I am just getting the mental training I need. At least, I am still alive and kicking, unlike the King of Pop (MJ R.I.P.). So money is not everything (in fact, it is everything but since I have none…that’s what all poor would say!). And I still have an okay, maybe so-so reputation, unlike Tiger (although I do want to have his “friends”...hehe). He is taking time off from golf to straight things out and I am taking years off from work. LOL…Insomnia really kills…perhaps this is what fuels me to write this BS-post as I have not been able to sleep well for a long time. Just hope I will be able to sleep at night after moving. I don’t really blame anyone…I just blame myself chose school over work. It’s a choice I made and I am living with the consequence! As simple as that. Never regret and no “what if ”.
I should not be and am not looking back. I am looking forward to the future. I fell (& am sitting low right now) but I will stand up and fight again. Fight for what? What I really want to do next? I don’t know at this stage…but once I have finished this energy-sucking PCLL programme. I will re-focus my life. I am sure I will get a handle by then. I know it would be a waste if I don’t become a HK lawyer [barrister or solicitor] after taking this programme. In fact, I never did fall! I came to Hong Kong BY CHOICE. So I should not complain! I could have ignored my mother and could have stayed in Canada. However, I am not an animal. I am a human being and that was the minimum I could have done for her. I believe I pass both objective and subjective tests as a reasonable son. Without my mother, I would not be able to study in Canada to begin with. She gave up a lot to put me through school. Without her, I would be nobody now…actually, I am nobody now. Can I call this a set-off? (Oh! This is not Civil Litigation….Love & Care from my mother can never be set-off like a civil lawsuit.)
Lastly, to all my friends in Canada (and foes and whoever stole my identity): “I WILL BE BACK (sometime in the future)!” Yes, someone was (maybe still is) using my identity somehow…I cannot disclose any further than I already have. It was ridiculous and totally unbelievable. However, I cannot overlook the potential legal consequences.
I am just staying in Hong Kong and doing what a reasonable son would have done for my mother. I don’t consider myself a good son. I am sure my mother would do a lot more than what I have done so far if I were in a coma. I found myself visiting the hospital less frequent now. I may blame it on the crazy PCLL schedule & workload. However, that’s just an excuse. I just feel really sad every time I visit her. I feel so helpless & hopeless. Always blame myself did not try hard enough to convince her to stay with me in Toronto. It’s my fault…otherwise, she will be just fine. Otherwise, nothing would happen to her. I love you mom! Please do yourself & us a favor….WAKE UP LA!!!!! Your two grand-daughters (my younger brother’s) are growing up and they need a loving grandma! They love you very much and they pray for you always.
At this point, I am still in school taking PCLL. Semester A is done and Semester B (the final semester) is going to begin in about a week. I just wish to pass this programme and get it over with. I will have my dearest PCLL groupmates’ support to go through this together (Group 9 is the Best 2009-2010 PCLL Group @ CityU!). I really don’t need to take this programme as I have realized I do not have the necessary resources and connections to be a barrister in Hong Kong as you get NO PAY as a pupil barrister for 1 year. I cannot also afford to spend another 2 years as a trainee solicitor so taking the solicitor-route might not be an option for me either. Why on earth are there still two branches of legal professionals in HK & UK!? It’s 2010 and the Matrix would become a reality soon (Right!) and we still have such distinction. The most logical path for me would be - get a job (any job) in Hong Kong after completing PCLL and save some money before moving back to Canada. I don’t think I will continue to pursue a legal career in Canada since I will have to spend at least another year in a law school to top-up certain courses (like Constitutions etc.).
[Yes, this post may be silly or even stupid…but this does record my current state of mind (albeit not quite stable/happy right now). I hope my mom will read about my posts on this blog (http://www.geekappeal.com) and laugh with me (not laugh at, okay) when she wakes up! I am looking forward to that date.]
Sigh…this blog/site ( @ GeekAppeal.com) is totally not maintained except posts from my grumblings once in a while. The shopping side has not been working for few years. Maybe I will rebuild this site after PCLL.
I will try to post some tech tips as I see fit. If you have tech/computer questions, just ask me. That could force me to post updates to other tech tips sections….this is just a “maybe”…no promise so don’t hold me to it. I need to be pushed and not just spend my time on school. Although I have been studying law over the last few years, I still follow all the latest tech development (Windows 7, Mac OS X, Linux/UNIX, Windows Server 2008, Android etc.) even though I don’t think I will be working in IT in the future.
Oh! Dear friends, please don’t keep trying to convince me to believe in God! I *do fully respect* all religions (be it Catholic, Christian or Christianity, Muslim, Buddhism)…I have friends from all walks of lives. We just need to respect others and may everyone live in peace. The world is big enough for multiple religions. In my humble opinion, as long as a religion leads people to do good things, it’s a good religion.
Enough said…I hope I can sleep tonight.
The one & only stubborn me,
Terence
Copyright ©2010 Terence Cheong
3 comment(s) so far...
Re: A Letter to My Mom, My Friends & My-Future-Self (in 2020…if I will still be alive then)
People are selfish. It is not easy to give up a lot of your work and life which has been developed for years and start from the beginning and live in some place where you do not feel right for yourself. I admire and respect all that you have done. It is certainly not easy for anyone to go through all this. Your hard work should be respected by everyone.
By Yonny Ko on
Monday, January 04, 2010
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Re: A Letter to My Mom, My Friends & My-Future-Self (in 2020…if I will still be alive then)
One of my best friends passed away in Oct 2008 because of depression. She ended her own life. I was so regret at the time I heard of this shocking news. I should have chatted with her more often, I should have returned her emails, I should have asked her to visit me in Toronto...... It's too late now. I couldn't have image that I would have so many regrets in my life, however, things somehow are not predictable. The least that we can do is to love our beloved ones more, whenever still possible.
Fighting Terence!
Miss you from miles away!
By Susanna To on
Thursday, January 28, 2010
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